Money Money Money

One of the biggest causes for divorce these days is finance. With something that is so important and such a part of our lives, it can often be difficult to see eye to eye when agreeing on financial decisions. All of us were raised differently; therefore we all have different perspectives and ideas on the way that things should be done. When I was growing up, my parents taught me the importance of saving money. Whenever I would make money I would have to put 10% of it towards tithing, half of it towards savings, and then I could spend the rest. At the time I thought it was the worst to have to put so much towards savings, but now I am so grateful for the habits that my parents helped me to develop.

            

It is interesting to me how finances change once married. I think this is common among all married couples. It seems that when one is single nothing really matters. Yes you may be saving for school or a car or something, but besides that… you have fun! Typically, when single, money is spent on entertainment and activities. Then once in a relationship, money is spent on dates and on each other. To me it seemed like my boyfriend (now husband) had a never-ending bank account because of all the fun dates he took me on. He would buy me flowers, take me to my favorite restaurants, and then eventually bought me a BEAUTIFUL ring! ;) Now married, money has a much bigger place in our relationship. It is something that we have to discuss frequently. We even have to base our plans around it at times. It’s a big adjustment in life, considering all that we were used to before marriage.

           

 When my husband and I got married it wasn’t instantly easy to figure out our finances. Like I said earlier, we are all raised differently and have different viewpoints. After lots of talking and planning, we have found what works for us. I am actually really blessed to have found someone who is very much on the same page as me. We have the same goals and values and know what it’ll take to get there. From what I’ve learned, it takes sacrifice, patience, and understanding in order to be successful.

Just saw this quote and loved it! What we do with our lives, the position that we're in, the level of happiness that we are experiencing is OUR CHOICE! Let us choose to live the life that we have always dreamed of! 

Equality in Marriage

This week in class we are learning about the importance of equality of power and respect in marriage. A talk was given by Richard B. Miller called, “Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families”, where he lists a few characteristics of strong and successful marriages.

1.  Parents are the leaders in the family: There should be a clear hierarchy between parents and children. Parents should not be afraid to say “NO”.

2. Parents must be united in their leadership: There should never be one parent and child against another parent. Parents need to be unified in decisions. 

3. The parent-child hierarchy dissolves when children become adults: When your children are grown, let them be individuals. They now can make their own decisions with their spouse.

4. The marital relationship should be a partnership: Husband and wife are EQUAL. Although husband and wife may have different responsibilities, they are both equally as important.

I loved all of the points that Miller made in his talk. They all make such a difference in marriage and help create a happy one. My husband and I have been striving to implement these into our own marriage and family and it has made all the difference. We both feel a tremendous amount of love and respect. I know that this is the way that God intended marriage to be.

Thou Shalt Be Faithful

This week in class we talked about the importance of fidelity in marriage. When people think of being faithful, many times our minds are drawn instantly to cheating... but that's not it. Being faithful means being committed. It means loving your spouse with all of your might, mind, and strength. We must put our spouse first and never let ANYTHING or ANYONE get in the way of that. It all comes down to a choice. We must choose to put our spouse first and make them the most important person in our lives. Doing this will strength the bonds between both husband and wife and will make it harder for temptation to creep in. Most people that are unfaithful don't all of a sudden become that way. It's progression of little acts that may at first seem innocent that lead one to open their heart to someone else. We must stop those things before they even begin! Honestly, no joy is better than that that comes from being part of a marriage with mutual trust, respect, and commitment. 

A Time to Be Grateful

I love this time of year! It’s a time when we are surrounded by family and those we love, we can eat delicious food, and we can spend a little more time thinking about the things we are grateful for. The more we focus on gratitude, the more likely we are to forget ourselves and put others first. I wish that everyone made that such a focus year round!

We have just finished up a book called “Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage” in my Marriage class and I have loved reading it. I recommend it to everyone! Check it out! This week’s chapter was on charity, and what a perfect time to read it!

Charity is the pure love of Christ: love FOR Christ, love FROM Christ, and love LIKE Christ. As we make Christ the center of our lives and our marriages, there is no way that we can fail.

Love for Christ: When we have love for our Savior we will want to follow Him. We will strive to become more like Him and rely on Him. We will trust Him. Loving Christ will make us want to be better and will help us make our marriages strong.

Love from Christ: Everyone is worthy of Christ’s love and all deserve to feel it. When we feel it for ourselves we will be able to use it to change. It will give us understanding of His great love for others that I believe will help us develop more love for them as well. When we know that Christ loves us despite our weaknesses, we can have no doubt that He has the same love for our spouse.

Love like Christ: When we are able to feel love from Christ and for Christ, we will naturally start to love LIKE He does. Christ was never quick to anger, never criticized, He wasn’t easily offended or jumped to conclusions. He was selfless, He put others’ needs over His own, He didn’t judge but loved freely, He had an eternal perspective and saw everyone’s worth, and much, much more! That is true charity.

Having charity in marriage is key to keeping it successful. In my opinion there is no way that one can act as the Savior would and have a failing marriage! But it is easier said than done. We must learn to stand strong against Satan and his temptations because He will do all that He can to keep us from making our marriages strong.

I believe that as we trust in the Lord, strive to follow His example, pray for strength and charity, and have gratitude for our spouse, we will be strong and our marriages will be blessed.

I know that for me every time that I try to be a little more grateful I notice an increase of joy in my life and marriage. I can see many great things in my husband that I may have overlooked or forgotten before.

Let us all remember what a wonderful gift marriage is and make it known to your spouse!

My Fairytale Ending

Growing up, I always dreamed about my fairytale ending: meeting my prince charming and living happily ever after. Well, lucky for me, I did it! I married the man of my dreams who makes me so happy and helps make all of my dreams come true. But, that doesn’t mean my life is perfect. It’s actually pretty far from perfect, but it’s the life that I love.

As time has gone on I’ve learned that no marriage is perfect. There are arguments, disagreements, stress, adjusting and many more emotions involved. In marriage you are taking two completely different lives and putting them together as one. What else would you expect?! Hearing all about the hardships in marriage can make one question if it’s even worth it, but it is! Why is that? Because it is a CHOICE to let the negatives affect you and your marriage or not. Marrying my sweet husband is the greatest decision I’ve ever made despite the difficult things we may go through.

This week I learned a good lesson. While reading “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” I was reminded that no one is ever right! In an argument or disagreement we always think that we are right and that we know best. I believe that is why most arguments happen in the first place. We think that we know our spouse’s intentions and thoughts, when the truth is, WE DON’T. All disagreements are subjective. That is why we must strive to understand our spouse. We must let them know that we accept their personality and perspective. People aren’t willing to change if they are constantly feeling targeted. They are most likely willing to change if they feel liked and appreciated. That goes both ways.

Some great ways to help our spouse feel loved and accepted if by first turning our focus. We should not blame or criticize but rather evaluate ourselves first.

What am I doing to make this an issue?

What can I change to help solve this problem?

How am I feeling?

How can I help my spouse feel loved? 

Another way we can help our spouse is to treat them like we would treat company. Whenever someone is over we are sensitive to their feelings, we treat them with respect, we listen to them while they communicate, and if something goes wrong we don’t freak out but are happy and accepting. There is no reason why our spouses should ever get treated differently! But, it’s easier said than done. It takes constant thought and work in my opinion.

One of the greatest ways to help our spouse is to learn to completely turn our lives over to God and them individually. That is where true joy comes from. If our thoughts, hearts, and actions are focused on pleasing God and our spouse, what really can go wrong? Every sacrifice brings blessings, and a joyful marriage now and forever is one blessing worth sacrificing for.

All marriages will have their ups and downs, but if we are committed to our spouse and love them with all that we have, every issue will either get solved or in the long run won’t be an issue at all. And, looking back, every challenge that I've faced so far has been a blessing in the long run. Every single time I've come out stronger.

Let us all strive to be our best so that we can make our marriages the best!

Me and my Prince Charming

Say NO to Pride

Growing up I never felt like I had a good understanding of what pride was. As I get older and strive to strengthen my marriage, I am learning that it is all around us and must be fought in order to truly be happy. 

Examples of pride:

-Irritation or annoyance with spouse

-Selfishness, ignoring spouse’s needs

-Contention, arguments, fights

-Thinking we know all, thinking we are better than others

-Comparing, score keeping

-Intentionally creating jealousy

-Faultfinding in spouse and others

I have a lot of work to do! Pride can destroy marriages and invites Satan to do his thing. We must evaluate ourselves and strive to improve. Even if one person in a relationship is increasing their humility it makes all the difference.

A few ways that we can become more humble are to: strive to understand our companions, realize that we don’t know all and that our spouses have feelings and thoughts of their own, let our spouses speak for themselves, put their needs over our own, pray for help and forgiveness to overcome our shortcomings, forgive others, receive chastisement, love God, and selflessly serve others.

H. Wallace Goddard said, “…if we sacrifice our own wants and needs, in favor of our spouse’s…we will find true joy and happiness.” THAT is exactly what I want in this life. I want true joy and happiness. We are told pretty clearly that if that’s what we want we must sacrifice for those we love. Getting rid of our pride is one of the greatest ways that we can become more like Jesus Christ. I believe that no matter how hard it may be, it will be so worth it in the end!